When Aditi Kapoor landed a job with a Gurgaon-based information technology company, she was thrilled. It wasn't just the big brand name or the seven-figure salary that appealed to her — her new office was located in the other corner of the city from where her parents lived. Kapoor could now live away from constant parental scrutiny. She moved into an apartment close to her workplace. But the joys of independent living wore away fast. "She realised that freedom comes at a cost," says Delhi-based clinical psychologist and counsellor, Aruna Broota, who was approached by the 25-year-old software engineer last year with stress-related complaints. "After one year of living on her own, she decided to move back with her parents," says Broota, adding that she sees about three cases every month of young adults feeling the blues living alone. Parents of young adults should start getting their spare bedrooms fixed up. Soaring real estate prices in metropolises, recession-related job and salary cuts, long work hours and loneliness are prompting young professionals to return to their parents' homes. "The previous generation of youth put priority on freedom — they finished studies and went free-wheeling. This trend is changing," says Broota. Kapoor, for instance, went back to her parents' place because it offered "functional" advantages. She didn't have to worry about cleaning her room, doing the laundry or buying groceries, she told her counsellor. "She didn't have to return to an empty house every evening," Broota says. Sociologists call them the "boomerang" generation — they move out of the family home and then boomerang back to the nest. This new generation of Peter Pans is not unique to India. The trend has caught on in the West as well. According to a US Census Bureau report, the proportion of young American adults living at home nearly doubled between 1980 and 2008. In the US, more men are moving back home than women. "The percentage of men aged 25 to 34 living in the home of their parents rose from 14 per cent in 2005 to 19 per cent in 2011 and from 8 per cent to 10 per cent over the period for women," says the report. In India, the situation is a little different. For one, counsellors say there is not much of a difference between the sexes when it comes to returning home. And two, the tradition of married sons living with families and their parents in the same house is an enduring one. But the number of nuclear families has been rising as well — as Census figures demonstrate. Today, 56 per cent of households in urban India have four or fewer members — down from four to five members 10 years ago. The figures show that the joint family is also making a comeback. In Mumbai, the proportion of households with more than one couple went up from 10.6 per cent to 14.5 per cent in the last decade. Urbanisation and recession are clearly taking their toll on the young, prompting them to move in with their parents. "Till a few years ago, when the economy was booming, young professionals were financially upbeat," stresses Ali Khwaja, head of a Bangalore-based counselling centre, Banjara Academy. "They bought apartments, big cars and lived it up. But now, with pay cuts and job losses, they are focusing on saving and financial security. Living in joint households takes a huge financial burden off them," Khwaja explains. He could be talking about Sameer Khanna. In 2004, the Delhi University graduate felt invincible. With the technology sector booming in India, he moved to Hyderabad to set up a knowledge process outsourcing company. "Within two years, I was heading a firm of 100 people. I made my first million, bought a swanky sedan and got married in style," recalls the 34-year-old former entrepreneur. Khanna's ambitions came crashing along with the economy. The recession hit his company hard. "I lost clients and was forced to shut shop," he recalls. The lavish four-bedroom rented apartment turned from being a luxury to a liability. "I was dipping into my savings to maintain my lifestyle," he says. That's when the couple moved back to Delhi, to live with Khanna's parents. Now, although he works as business head at a Delhi-based call centre, Khanna prefers to stay put at his parents' place. "I'm wiser now. I'm saving my salary for the rainy day." For today's youth financial realities, clearly, are more important than living an independent life. "After a few years of professional life, economic realities start sinking in. They realise that if they live with their parents, they don't have to pay rent or buy the groceries," stresses sociologist Shiv Visvanathan. Dipankar Gupta, professor of sociology, Jawaharlal Nehru University, agrees. The young generation's decision to head back home is thought more through the head than the heart, he holds. "Young adults are heading homewards mainly because of practical challenges. I believe this is more a result of rising real estate prices than a desire to live with the old folks," says Gupta. But it's not just money that's bringing parents and children under one roof. "Rapid urbanisation can be a very alienating experience. Many young professionals live and work in cities where they know no one. And with long work hours, they don't have time to socialise," says Visvanathan. Loneliness is sending many young adults scuttling back home — where parents provide the much-needed psychological support. Kapoor, for instance, saw her parents as "a welcoming emotional cushion" after dealing with competitive colleagues all day. "The most basic needs — like craving for a home-cooked meal — coupled with monetary considerations and a need to feel protected are pulling young people back to their parents," Broota sums up. In fact, with urbanisation and its negative fallout on psychological health, counsellors are encouraging young adults to live with their parents. "During counselling, I tell people that the mother-in-law is a lesser evil than returning to a locked house. A family at home provides an anchor and an emotional buffer to stressed professionals," says Khwaja. In Ahmedabad — where Visvanathan lives — the sociologist sees the residential real estate market adapt to changing family dynamics. "Most new housing complexes in the city offer five and six bedroom apartments. It's clearly catering to the new extended family — where each member gets his own private space as well," he points out. Bangalore, too, is towing the trend. "Till five years ago, two-bedroom apartments registered maximum sale in the city. Now, there is a growing demand for larger living spaces," says Gayatri Nayak, head, Manipal Consultancy Services, a Bangalore-based real estate agency. Nayak says she gets 25 to 30 clients every month who want to buy or rent large apartments. With more and more women entering the urban workforce, the multi-generation family set-up is gaining new currency. "Young working couples fall back upon their parents to look after their children. After all, the grandmother is the best caregiver," says sociologist Gupta. Take the case of Avik Ghosh. "My wife and I are constantly travelling," says the senior design engineer at Development Consultants, Calcutta. And since the couple lives with Ghosh's parents, the travelling doesn't hamper home management. "It will be a big advantage when we have children. My parents will be around to look after them," the engineer stresses. As need brings the new generation of young adults and their parents together, new kinds of living arrangements are being formed by urban families. If a couple can't move in with their parents, they work out a practical system. Vasantha Patri, chairperson, Indian Institute of Counselling, Delhi, recalls the case of a harried working, mother-of-two, Shalini Mishra. "Mishra said she was handling too many fronts — a marketing job, children and running a house," says Patri. Her stress levels fell when her parents-in-law stepped in. "The couple rented an apartment adjacent to their own for the parents. This way, they kept their space intact and got family support as well," says Patri. The system suits quite a few parents too, who are not all that keen to have their grown-up children back. "Older couples also want their freedom now. They are in better health, well travelled, pursue hobbies and have the money to splurge. They don't want to be tied down with grandchildren," says Patri. But with a bit of give and take, parents and their adult offspring are striking new deals. Change, clearly, is in the air. The empty nest syndrome — when fledglings flew the coop — may not yet be a concept of the past. But the return of the young birds, often with hatchlings in tow, is the old nest's new story. (Some names have been changed.)
| 
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment